3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
