Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
