No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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