I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
