she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
