Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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