So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
