Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
