Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
