Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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