Betty ford says i'm here all night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
