So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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