So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
