i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
