I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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