I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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