I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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