you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
