I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
