everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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