I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
