I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
