I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize