I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
