She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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