I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my shit smells like andre
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
