I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
