you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
