Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize