I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
