also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
