I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
