3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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