you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
