A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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