I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
