dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I will be naked everywhere
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Send help, water and tortillas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
