I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
