Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
