Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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