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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge

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• (365): View more from

  Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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• (209): View more from California

  Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!

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• (714): View more from California

  Not my type, but the penis looks fun.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again

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• (347): View more from New York

  Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.

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• (650): View more from California

  I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It was like catching dick in a barrel

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