census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
