the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
