I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
