i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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