So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
