allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
