Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize