I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
