today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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