Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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