Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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