oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
