I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
