Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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