I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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