i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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