We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
