In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
