He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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