no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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