Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
