I CAN MOONWALK!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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