It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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