Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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