I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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