New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
im on a boat
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