is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Drunk is a universal language darling
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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