yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
