Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
