She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hippo gnu deer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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