dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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