Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
