Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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