i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
