Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Floor bacon is actually really good
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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